Spring Schming by Schwing

I planned on surprising my new girlfriend by making love to her in the green grass behind the stadium but we ended schtuppin' on a glacier in my back yard.

I knew we were in for it when I saw the Groundhog buying electric socks down at Gander Mountain.

Don't get me wrong, I love snow, it fills in the all the potholes.

I blame the cold on the Canadians, I say we put up weatherstripping from Fergus Falls to Grand Portage.

It was so cold this morning that when my ex told me to go to Hell, I thought she was concerned about my comfort.

It was so cold this morning ...

... anyone?

... aww fuck it.

It was so cold this morning I decided to wear my toupee upside down.

It was so cold last night it took me an hour to get my girl started.

I ain't sayin' my ex was frigid but everytime she spread her legs, the furnace kicked on.

Everytime I put my iPod on shuffle it alternates between the Stones version of "Harlem Shuffle" and the Fridge's killer version of "The Superbowl Shuffle."

Hey writer, I'm out, insert 10th one-liner here.